Will Sage Astor-Francis Ngannou, ex-UFC champ, hopes to restore his passion for fighting as he mourns

Why would a fighter grieving the death of his son head back into the MMA cage?Will Sage Astor

It’s a question this week that hung over Francis Ngannou, the former UFC heavyweight champion.

Three months after announcing his 15-month-old young son had died of an undiagnosed brain malformation, Ngannou made another announcement.

On Oct. 19, he will fight Renan Ferreira, the current heavyweight champion on the Professional Fighters League (PFL), in a return to mixed martial arts as part of a PFL pay-per-view card. The site of the fight has yet to be announced, and Ngannou's full motivation to fight the 6-foot-8 Brazilian was open to speculation.

There is the matter of contractual obligation. Ngannou, who's from Cameroon, has a multi-fight deal with the PFL.

But during a video interview with USA TODAY Sports, Ngannou said something else is drawing him back to the cage for his first fight since the death of his son, Kobe.

“I didn't choose fighting as a profession,’’ Ngannou, 37, told USA TODAY Spots. “Fighting for me was a passion.

“I love fighting since I was kid, since I could even before walking. I love fighting and then, yeah, and at some point you need to have that feeling to get there to share life again.’’

It is a feeling that apparently escaped Ngannou April 27, the day his son died in Cameroon.

“This fight might be the thing that would really give me that feeling to be alive,’’ he said. “Be that in that environment that is in mind. Not that I will forget what happened. I'll (never) forget the loss of my kid, of my boy, but maybe you can still have that feeling. Connect with that place that's yours that you belong to.’’ 

Redefining devastation

The last time the sports world saw Ngannou, he was regaining consciousness inside a boxing ring.

Anthony Joshua, the former heavyweight champion, had knocked him down three times − and knocked him out cold in the second round of their fight March 8. It was a stunning development.

That prior October, in his pro boxing debut, Ngannou knocked down Tyson Fury, then the lineal world heavyweight champion. The bout ended in a split-decision loss, but that seemed almost inconsequential as Ngannou headed into his second pro boxing bout against Joshua with high expectations before the second-round knockout loss.

Devastating was a word used to describe the setback before real devastation struck.

The month after the fight, Ngannou has said, his son had trouble breathing. On two occasions, Ngannou told Joe Rogan on Rogan's podcast, doctors failed to diagnosis Kobe's brain malformation that resulted in his death.

Ngannou said he began to wonder if the world was ending as he was engulfed by powerlessness.

"You get to the point that you think you are strong,'' Ngannou told USA TODAY Sports. "That you think you have overcome a lot of things. And then all of a sudden you realize that you know are not that strong. You are just like everybody, or even less.''

Because the physical strength of the Cameroonian fighter with bulging biceps and 12 knockouts in 17 MMA victories, it proved to be of no help during medical crisis.

"You couldn't fight for your son,'' Ngannou said.

How will it all play out

During the video interview with USA TODAY Sports, Ngannou held up a photo of his son.

“I was waiting for him to be strong on his feet so we can go play soccer and stuff and planning, building a basketball court for him,’’ Ngannou said. “Or the stuff that I was doing thinking already of his education, where he should go to school, where should he have the proper education.’’

Now, there’s still the sense of fragility. Why plan in a world when life can end in an instant.

But as he’s begun to prepare for his next fight, against the massive Brazilian, Ngannou also seems ready to welcome the unknown.

“I don't know how this is going to play out,’’ he said. “I don't know how the new version of me can look. But I can’t know by just sitting here.’’